Being a Grandmother

My husband and I often write down special memories we have with our children as well as little notes to our future selves regarding parenting. We know that once our experiences in various seasons of life have ended, we lose sight of relating to those exact times. So our goal in doing this is to teach ourselves how to be better parents to our adolescent and adult children as well as to our grandchildren. We treasure all of the highlights and pray to pass them on to our own little flock.

13 months ago, my grandmother joined us in Walt Disney World for a few days. Moments before her flight left she discovered that her cancer had re-surfaced. Instead of staying home in her pain, she jumped on a flight to Orlando to join me, my husband, and our children. She spent our few days there in a wheelchair soaking in every beautiful and fun moment despite her pain. She made the trip about our children and rejoiced in their aw and wonder in a magical place. After the past year, she has battled so so hard and last week discovered that the doctors can do no more to help her. So what is she doing in her last moments of this earthy life? Sitting at home feeling sorry for herself? No, in fact she is flying in from her home in Chicago to visit us this weekend. She said to me on the phone, "I'm so glad it's just cancer and not anything worse, I'm just so thankful to have my mind." Woah, to have that insight and wisdom in the presence of death put me in tears.

My grandmother and I have always had a special bond and although she has lived 2 hours away from me for the first half of my life and 15 hours away for the second half, we have maintained such a strong relationship. When my father, her son, died she became even more a gift in my life. She has taught me so much about being a grandmother and I don't ever want to forget it. When my moment comes to be a grandma, I want to be one that has so many of her attributes. Here are some of the amazing things she has taught my heart:

 Choosing to shower love on your grandchildren is an extension of your love for your children. Although you may think your parenting of them is complete, you can continue to bless on and love them by spending time with, writing to, and talking on the phone with your grandchildren. You children will relish in the fact that you adore their children and you will form an incredible bond with sweet kiddos. Make time for your grandchildren.

Answer the phone when they call. Listen to their silly childhood stories, teenage woes, young adults needing advice, new moms and dads needing encouragement. Don't let too much time go by in-between visits. It may be a challenge because your "schedule" is "too busy", but stop what you are doing and make the effort to be a presence in their lives. Jump on a flight 3 or 4 times a year or hop in the car as much as you can! They will savor every single moment with you and feel as though they are important to you.

Visit in-between holidays and when you are with them make them feel like the world has stopped just for your moments together. My grandmother would send my fiance (now husband) plane tickets just so we could visit them for a weekend!

 Take them to "special" places. My grandmother took us to play tennis, out for ice cream, shopping, to gardens, rummage sales, delivering cookies and flowers to neighbors, strawberry picking, to polo matches and baseball games, on vacations, in walks through her garden, to the neighbors pool during hot summer days, and so many more. It doesn't have to be expensive or grand, but it does have to be special.

 Tell your grandchildren how much you love their parents. My grandmother told me again and again how amazing my mom is and it touched my heart in a special way.

 Offer to listen without ever giving advice. Just listen. Don't share what your story is or how bad you may have had it, just listen. Empathize. If they trust you, they will ask for your advice.

 Don't hold your past against them. If you didn't bond with your own parents or grandparents, this is the time to change the cycle. My grandmother didn't form as special of bonds with her grandparents as she has shared with us, but she has never used it as an excuse to dismiss our relationship.

 When your grandchildren get engaged and start a marriage, accept their spouses into your heart. Get to know them, make them feel special, too. Shower them with the same attention and love that you give your grandchildren. Not only with they feel connected to your family, your grandchild will be so delighted. My grandparents spent so many nights sleeping on the pull our couch in our various apartments. Never once, did they complain, but instead delighted in spending time with us.

 Pray for them, Every, Day. Call and ask for prayer requests. Pray with them. Pray for their parents. Pray for your entire family to know Jesus and to follow hard after Him. Your prayers are so important.

 Do you best to shine Christ into their lives with every word, action, and prayer. They are counting on your example in this messy world and they want to find comfort in your kindness and love.

 So, as I prepare my heart to potentially spend my final earthly moments with my "Grammie", I rejoice in the example that she set and I will weep for the lack of her daily phone calls and presence in my life. I thank God that my own mother is following in her footsteps by loving on my children and fostering a strong bond with them. I pray that my family will leave a legacy of bridging the generation gaps to honor and glorify God.