new mercies

"His mercies are new every MINUTE". I have had one of the worst "mom" 36 hours ever. I have done everything my heart and mind tells me not to. I have yelled at my son, given him an attitude of annoyance, and just generally I have failed at showing him grace. I feel horrible. Just plain horrible. Who is this mean mom in my heart? Why do I constantly expect him to be 10 years old when he is three? Although my angry yell was because he blatantly hit his sister for really the first time in her life; his wrong action should not have produced one in me. And although he has been potty trained for 15 months and has soiled his pants without ever asking to use the potty- doesn't mean that I need to yell about it. And although he asks 5 million questions all day long about every little thing doesn't mean I give him an attitude. God has given this little guy of mine an ability to communicate well and with that communication I sometimes treat him as though he is older than he is. God has also given him an incredible mind to ask questions and see how things work. He thirsts for knowledge in the same way that I should be thirsting for Christ. And although I have not had to change his dirty "messes" in over a year doesn't mean that I should be quick to anger when he has an accident(s). While praying again and again and asking God for patience and forgiveness, I consistently see myself as N and the Lord as my parent. How many times does Jesus lovingly draw me close to him when I have hurt another of his children. How many times does he clean up all of my messes? How many times does he answer my millions of questions? How many times does he respond in love rather than annoyance or anger? Every. Single. Time. He Does. Lord take his hardened heart and teach it to love my children the way you love me. Forgive me of my anger and fill my heart with more grace and love than I can imagine. Help me not to dwell on my inadequacies as a mom but to know that in my weakness your strength abides! Abide in me Lord and let me be the reason why my children commit their heart to you- let me shine your grace to them.